Never provide free help and assistance unless the other person asks for it; preferably for a second or a third time.
(COMMENTARY— In case you feel this is cold-hearted advice, let me say this on the basis of my own experience: Every time I extended help without being asked for it, the recipient threw it away because it was given freely. It was usually not taken seriously. And I, on the other hand, kicked myself for wasting such advice on someone who didn’t appreciate its value rather than sharing it with someone who might have benefited a lot more from it. Every time I helped someone without being asked for it, it created a lose-lose situation. That’s an honest summary of my personal experience. If yours is different, I’m happy both for you and your recipient.)Never co-sign for anything. Period. If you do, 9 out of 10, you’ll regret it.
If possible, pay cash for everything, especially for items that come with a high-interest rate. The interest accumulates quicker than you think.
Praise in public. Criticize in private. Not the other way around…
Your mother is the only person who will love you unconditionally, to the very end, no matter what you do (unless you disown her, but even then…).
Family is your bedrock. Don’t betray your family’s love, interest, or trust.(COMMENTARY— Perhaps I should add that “family” is not just mom and dad. Also: I did not have the best of relationships with my mom and dad, in case anyone assumes that I did. I loved them dearly but I always wished our relationship were closer and better. Now that they are both gone, I see them both from a wider perspective, with all their faults and merits. What’s left behind is this feeling of compassion and forgiveness. Not because I’m better and they were worse. But because we were alike in so many different ways, with warts, diamonds, and all… May they both rest in peace. After all, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. They were my Big Bang, so to speak, and who am I to argue with the way Universe worked to result in all this? Peace.)
Say “thank you!” at least once a day. It’s good for you, for the others, and for the world.
Never miss an opportunity to educate yourself, get a certificate or diploma, or finish a school. The Internet is about to collapse with information. Willful ignorance is not a virtue.
Be kind and considerate towards everyone. You are not the only person in the world who has trauma. To be human is to have trauma. Be compassionate towards your fellow citizens.
Eliminate sarcasm from your tool kit. Sarcasm is not humor. Sarcasm is deadly; it kills the ones you love slowly but surely and bleeds them dry through a thousand cuts.
When you realize you are wrong, don’t sit on it; admit and apologize right away, do it from the heart, and save your energy for something else.
Stand behind your word. If you say “yes,” do it no matter what. If you can’t do it, say “no” no matter what.
Don’t use alcohol to cure your depression or sorrow. Alcohol will turn your brain into mush and change your personality, usually for the worse. And in the end, you’ll still be depressed and sorry.
Have discipline of your tongue, hand, and generative organs.
Create time for your children. Once they hit 18, there is no way you can compensate for the time lost; there is no way you can create any bonding experiences anymore. You’ll regret that for the rest of your life (like I do).
Shower every day if you can. Smelling good is a social gift that everyone appreciates. It’s the quickest way to create a good impression.
Keep in touch with your high school friends. As you get older, you’ll discover that you share a lot more than you think with your high school friends due to the experiences you’ve shared during those critical formative years.
Try doing one minute of planking every day for your health. The results over 30 days may surprise you.
Allocate money every month for charity and donations to the needy. If you can afford it, give a scholarship to a student who needs it. Even if it’s $1 a month, it’ll increase your self-worth and the quality of your life.
Stay away from generalizations and theoretical implications. Always look at the empirical data and concrete evidence. The evidence usually does not match the claim or the allegation.
If you have not used a book, a necktie, or any other object for a whole year, donate or throw it away. Do not hoard objects.
Do not engage in physical fights. Real fistfights are not like those in the movies: they can cause serious and lasting physical, psychological and spiritual damage. But if you are cornered and you have to fight because your life depends on it, then hit first and hit hard. Don’t wait for the first blow.
Even those whom you love the most today can be your adversaries or enemies tomorrow. And the people whom you consider to be enemies today could turn into your allies and unexpected friends tomorrow. Be ready for such U-turns in life.
Don’t take anything personally. It’s not about you. It’s about the way the cookie crumbles and it’s about the way the numbers and statistics work. We all have our turn for something or the other. Life just happens. People are usually too busy with their own thing even to notice you — unless you are a well-known celebrity.
Perfection is the enemy of the good. If you try to live a “great life,” the chances are you’ll end up crestfallen and frustrated. If you are living a “good enough” life, that is all you need to be happy and content.
Ten years after you die, there will be very few people (if any) who will remember that you lived. Thus, take things in perspective and don’t worry much, especially about material things. You’ll be able to take none of your possessions into the grave with you.
Play at least one musical instrument and keep it up even as you get older. The miracle of your own music will delight everyone and give you a joy that you can’t get from any other activity.
Stay away from people who frequently use phrases like “everybody says so…” or “everybody knows that…” or “as we all know…” or “it’s a well-known fact that…”
(COMMENTARY: If a person uses such phrases frequently, the chances are he or she is a bully; someone who has already made up his or her mind on the issue and has no respect for the empirical evidence. The main interest of such bullies is to control and dominate you rather than establish respectful, thoughtful, and democratic communication with you.)Do not discuss your politics, religion, and money with anyone. You will create hatred and animosity (politics and religion), jealousy (if they think you are making too much), or condescension and disdain (if they think you are not making too much). You can never create goodwill and amity through those kinds of conversations. It’s always a losing proposition for all concerned.
Unless you are suffering from a specific ailment or unless your doctor has prescribed them, do not take over-the-counter vitamins and so-called “health supplements.” Most of us eat too much and take too many vitamins and nutrients from normal food anyways to need such outside help. Some of those OTC pills have unregulated ingredients in them that we don’t know anything about. They can lead to skin rashes, heart palpitations, and other health issues. Don’t play roulette with your health.
Leave the table before you are full to the gills. Your stomach should never be stuffed to the rafters. A little hunger and fewer calories are much better for your health and internal organs (and your wallet) than overeating. Scientific studies on “calorie reduction” (CR) have proven the benefits of fasting and reduced calorie intake in lab animals.
Do whatever you can to leave behind a better world. Of course. But then, do not try to “save the world” either. There are many things in life that you are not and cannot be responsible for. Do not torture yourself for not having done enough to prevent North Korea’s nuclear program or what happened back in the 16th century. Check your ego and make sure that you are not flattering yourself by attributing to yourself powers and responsibilities that you don’t have. Be content with what you can do and cannot do and remember that, after everything is said and done, we are all just passing through this beautiful and ugly world.
(From Julie Birmingham) If you do a good deed, don’t tell. If you tell it, it does not count.
Photo by Gabriela Mendes: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-of-person-near-body-of-water-1247933/